i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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