i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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