How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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