you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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