remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I need moral support for this bender
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
