The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
