She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
