for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
