sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
