there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
