he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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