then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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