her vagina looked like bernie madoff
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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