I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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