i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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