can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize