We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
