Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
