Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
