By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
