I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
