well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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