from now on my penis is your penis
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
