She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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