I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
