lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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