My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
