I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize