You can't special order awesome
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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