8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
