i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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