Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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