She's JV to your varsity
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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