I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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