I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
