I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
