Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
