Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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