I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize