I can tuck mytits in my pants
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
