Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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