I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
