The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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