i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
