Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
