Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
