I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
