The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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