I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
