Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
