Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
