ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
