Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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