I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
