I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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