it wasn't lemon gatorade
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
