3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
