I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
