Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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