Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
