no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
