You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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