He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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