well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
