I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
