before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
