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Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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