I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
