my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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