You really coming over, don't trick.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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