im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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