I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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