If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
