Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
