I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
