I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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