it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
