32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize