Pappa wants mamma naked
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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