my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
