the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
