you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
